I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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