as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize