I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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