hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
