she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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