It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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