You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I understand Curling. That high.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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