its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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