remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
