After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
