We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
