It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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