Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize