It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
