My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
