I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
