Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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