Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize