I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My dick has a subreddit
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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