quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
