They should really pass out barf bags in church
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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