I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
