The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
