we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
