I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
