My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
