if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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