My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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