i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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