I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
third nipple confirmed
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize