i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
