i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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