SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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