I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
