i need an iv and a liver transplant
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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