Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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