you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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