he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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