Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize