I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
