It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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