i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
