I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
