So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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