He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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