just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
