My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
