Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
