eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
