Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
