i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
