Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize