similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
