So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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