I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
