walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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