I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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