u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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