my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
