well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
