hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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