I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
