ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
