Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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