I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
