I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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